DENIED

Ok so, I see my new psychiatrist today. My therapist said that the new doc would most likely write me a letter of remission for anorexia so that I can receive health benefits through my work. DENIED. He told me he would write no such letter.. that it would not matter anyway, and basically blew me off! I'm so screwed. The only thing that I can think to do is to send a nude picture of myself into the health insurance company like LOOK ASSHOLES!!! IM OK!...

Ugh.. anyway.. have not heard from Dr. Love. I broke down and sent him a text yesterday just saying hope you are having a good week. I did receive a text from him this morning saying he was sorry sweetie, just got off of 'call' (8 am) and would get at me when he woke up. I do not expect to hear from him. I do not expect to see him this weekend either. Just not my luck.

Yesterday was bad.. I think I may have drunken blogged lastnight but I haven't checked. I drank wayyyyyyy too many Bacardi and diets. I yelled at people on the phone. I drunk dialed. I called my Dad bawling, telling him I wanted to cut off all of my skin. It was bad. I woke up today surprisingly NOT hungover and emotionally feeling a bit better. I am not ok though. I think I am going through a depression. Odd, because I typically am more ANXIOUS than depressed. But I feel I want to cry all the time lately. PLEASEEEEEEE let this just be a bad case of PMS. Id much rather be mean and pissed than sad. Sad makes me weak. I hate WEAK. I hate being out of control.

I hate this being alone crap. F you Frank. I was unhappy with you, but yet you were here everynight to hold me. I hate dating. I hate games. I am 27 years old and just ready to settle the F down.