WOOOOOWWWW

My kid is in there watching old videos of when he started kindergarten. 2005.... i look GREAT! Sooooo effing skinny.. no curves whatsoever.. just straight up and down THIN.... I see this as a sign.. WHY would he be watching that this morning and why would i walk in right when i was in the camera view. HOW did I have that discipline??? I'm getting it back, I am....ive GOT TO.. i wont need my friends OR a boyfriend.. it will just be me and my obsession and my shopping. i loved going shopping when the lbs were dropping daily. I would pick out a bunch of tiny clothes.. the tiniest i could get.. thinking no way this would fit and then id be given more reason to diet further... get smaller. I would put them on and they would FIT !!! I would go crazy with glee in the dressing room ... just awed at what i was seeing. I would stand there for 20 minutes taking in every angle admiring my bones. Sometimes on bad days i would look at my bones and they were not boney enough..but at my best (my therapist would say worst), id walk out in a sleepy happy daze. I long for that feeling with the emptiness I feel everywhere else. I'll trade empties.

AA