That was actually refreshing

OK so its like 5 minutes since my last post an my anger tears have already dried. How thouroughly refreshing that was. Also, I guess venting here rather than sending 300 text messages expressing my anger to him prevent a lot of damage control later or tomorrow when I have completely calmed. Why should I blame him because I am alone today. The man does spend most of his hours when not working... actually all of them with me. I am kind of angry at him because being with him so much has aided in the isolation of my friends (read further down blog), and I feel like taking it out on him. He said to me when we were fighting " Are you mad that my friends don't shut me off because I blow them off for you all the time, but yours cut you off because you do it with me?". Maybe. But I do so much for his ass and he is so unappreciative , or atleast in my mind it is. I never know what is really the case or not the case because I am so confused most of the time. I have MANY things to do today. I could finish painting the garage, I could do my own damn yard work that needs done, I could rearrange my room and get rid of all my skinny clothes that I am desperate to fit into, I could go buy a new book, lay on the raft in my pool and READ, I could call up one of my friends and hope they don't tell me to fuck off, I could go visit family. I could CLEAN MY NEW CAR.... or.. I could accept the pending date that the finance manager of the dealership that I bought my new car offered. Yes, that sounds most appealing right now. But I won't. I cannot cheat. Want to. Can't. One of the biggest factors that I am with my current boyfriend is the trust that I have of him. He will never cheat on me, and I have never felt that with ANY man I've ever been in a relationship with. Mr. Finance manager is hot. He has got his shit together. He has got a nice brand new pretty white Escalade I could drive....but would he be the type I trust? Would he mind that my son wedges himself between he and I because he is jealous? First answer, no.. second answer yes. With all his childish and idiotic faults, I love my boyfriend. And that trust and reassurance thing is why. He stayed with me through all my psychotic hypochondriac testing... he provided assurance that I was FINE, and if I was NOT FINE, he would be here to help. He sat in a hospital ER with me for 12 hours straight once, KNOWING I was fine, but never once complaining. He helps me to eat.. to feel good about having curves. So...ok...pending date out of the question. I guess I'll read. Perhaps browse the book store for Anger Control or just Control in general titles.

AA